Saturday the 14th
by Kaiimi
Summary: Mario and friends take a weekend getaway to Toadsworth's lakehouse at Camp Acid Lake. Despite knowing the urban legend of Koopson Voorhees, a masked koopa serial killer who was said to stalk the woods, they brush it off and try to have the time of their lives. But once they realize that some of their friends have gone missing, they question if the legend is really true.
1. The New Girl

This story is going to be a parody of the Friday the 13th movie series. Big thanks to super lazer ninja for giving me the inspiration! This story is going to be a bit more 'raunchy' than my usual writing, only because I want to try something new. Also, some of the characters personalities will be switched around (as opposed to how you see them act in the games or how I portray them in my stories) so expect a lot of OOCness and bizarre pairings. Like I said, this is something new I'm trying so we shall see how it unfolds.

 **Cast: Mario the Cryptic, Luigi the Smooth Dude, Daisy the Bitch, Peach the Wannabe Bitch, Rosalina the Overdramatic, Pauline the Reborn, Mona the Overachiever, Wario the Fat Bastard, Waluigi the Weirdo, DK the Clueless, Diddy the Normal, Dixie the Egomaniac, Candy Kong the Homewrecker, Tiny Kong the Wannabe Homewrecker, Yoshi the Hipster, Birdo the Pothead, Toad the Jackass, Toadette the Crybaby, Toadsworth the Optimist, Toodles the Superficial Gold-digger, Bowser the Obsessive Stalker**

 **The following story is rated T for violence, language, and suggestive content.**

It was a beautiful and sunny Saturday morning at Camp Acid Lake. Toad and Toadette just got outside from Toadsworth's fancy, two story lakehouse and decided to start the day off with sunbathing.

"Ah! The air feels so fresh and wonderful today! I really can't wait till the others come later on, this is something we ALL need!" Toadette cheered as she lied down on one of those folding chairs.

"I know, right? It feels great to get out of Mushroom City for once…away from all the crazy homeless people, the insane game shows, the alien attacks, supernatural crap, the zombies, reality shows that involve idiots killing each other, and crafty murderers…you know, if you really think about it, Mushroom City is one extremely fucked up place!" Toad described.

"Toad, watch your language! You know I don't like you saying those words! And c'mon, Mushroom City isn't THAT bad…sometimes…" Toadette led on.

"I can say whatever the fuck I want! You're just my sister, you can't control me! In fact, you should actually shut your piehole because I was the one that convinced Toadsworth to let us watch over his lakehouse while he went to go screw his clown-faced whore of a gold-digger back at the city! We got here before everyone else and the only remotely fun thing you've done is beat the shit out of that obese rattlesnake that somehow got in the kitchen!" Toad angrily ranted. Toadette quivered her lips and suddenly busted out crying.

"WAAAAAAAHHHHH! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO MEAN!? I'M JUST TRYING TO BE A GOOD SISTER AND LOOK OUT FOR YOU! WAAAAAHHHH! SHIT, NOW MY MAKEUP IS RUNNING! OH FUCK, I ACCIDENTALLY SWORE AND MADE MYSELF LOOK LIKE A HYPOCRITE! GODDAMNIT, I DID IT AGAIN! AGGGGGHHH! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!? WAAAAAAHHHHH!" she continued to cry uncontrollably.

"Just face it, Toadette, being a potty-mouthed jackass is in our genes. By the way, why the hell were you walking outside last night at around midnight?" Toad asked.

Toadette slowly stopped her crying. "H-Huh? I don't know what you're talking about! I was asleep at midnight!"

"No, you weren't! I got up at around midnight to go use the bathroom, and on my way there, out the window, I couldn't help but notice there was a tall figure walking outside towards the lake. That had to have been you!" Toad accused.

"I just told you, I WAS ASLEEP! And you said it was a tall figure? How could that be when I'm shorter than a freaking midget!?" Toadette shouted.

"Well, you could've been wearing those 10 inch sparkly gold heels that you got for your birthday. I really don't know why you asked for them anyways, you always fall on your face or ass everytime you put them on!" Toad laughed a little at that memory.

"I didn't bring those stupid heels with me! You were probably on drugs last night so you hallucinated it! I keep telling you to lay off the LSD but you're too much of a blockhead to actually listen!" Toadette exclaimed.

"Oh, stop being a helicopter parent. I haven't tried LSD in months…okay, weeks…fine, five days! But I swear I wasn't on anything last night! So if it wasn't you, then who was it hmm?" Toad rolled his eyes.

"Maybe it was the seven foot tall crazy killer rabbit that stabs people with his mega-sized carrot!?" Toadette shrieked in sarcasm.

"Or maybe it was your ex-boyfriend, Toadopher, stalking you so he can win back your heart? I mean…I wouldn't put it past him. The dude is as crazy as a barrel full of murderous monkeys," Toad winked while smirking.

"I TOLD YOU TO NEVER MENTION HIS NAME EVER AGAIN! You know what!? I'm gonna go back into the lakehouse and drink a gallon of Kool-Aid so I can calm myself down because whenever I'm around you, 99% of the time, I get this REALLY big urge to hit you with a sledgehammer!" Toadette shouted in frustration and stomped her way back to the house.

Toad playfully rolled his eyes and laid out on the chair. "Whatever. You're not even strong enough to carry a sledgehammer anyways."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Toad quickly turned his head toward the lakehouse. "Toadette? Don't tell me you found another snake in the kitchen!"

Silence.

Toad rolled his eyes and decided to check out what it was that made her scream.

The door leading into the kitchen was wide open, which Toad thought it was a bit odd, but brushed it off anyways. He went inside and didn't see Toadette nor anything that was out of place.

"Sis, where the hell are you? Let me guess, you screamed because there's no more Kool-Aid left, right?" Toad joked, but there was still no response. He got more irritated so he stomped over into the next room, which was the living room and shrieked when he saw his sister lying on the floor. Her throat had a huge slit in it and blood was still flowing out.

Toad gulped and backed away from the disgusting site. "Okay…okay. This is just a bad dream I'm having. A very vivid and disturbing dream. I'm going to wake up any second now. Yep. Any second…"

He turned around and shrieked again when he saw an enormous Koopa-like figure wearing a worn out hockey mask loomed over him, wielding an old machete.

"HOLY SHIT! WAKE UP, TOAD! WAKE THE FUCK UP ALREADY!" he screamed, still thinking this had to be a nightmare. The figure raised the machete, and that was enough for Toad to hightail it out of there. The figure swung the machete, the very tip making a long and horizontal slice into his back. Blood splattered on the walls as Toad fell down and screamed, pain shooting through his entire body. He crawled away from this killer, since he felt too weak to stand up, but the figure stomped his humongous foot on his back wound, hurting him even more. He rolled Toad over with his foot, coming face to face with him one last time. Toad knew this was the end.

"Ugh…you…prick…" Toad uttered.

The figure raised the machete again and stabbed deep into his forehead.

* * *

Wario was driving his yellow van over to Peach's castle. Alongside him was Mona in the passenger seat, and then Waluigi, Pauline, and Rosalina in the back seat.

"Are you sure your friends will like me, Wario? I've never gone on a trip with a bunch of strangers before!" Mona nervously asked.

"Let's be honest here, honey, at least half of them are gonna hate your guts and will wish that you drowned in a pool of acid. My friends are judgmental as fuck and they have short tempers or have brains the size of a grain of rice, so don't be shocked if some of them end up spitting in your face," Wario admitted.

"Geez, Wario, you act like we interact with a bunch of psychopaths!" Rosalina exclaimed.

"THAT'S BECAUSE WE DO! Every single time all of us go on a trip to somewhere, we all end up beating the living shit out of each other and going to the hospital. We may as well be on a reality TV show since all of us are pretty much fucked in the head one way or another!" Wario yelled.

"I suppose it doesn't help that you, Mona, can be pretty intense, too…" Waluigi added.

"WHAT!? HOW THE HELL AM I INTENSE, YOU SON OF A BITCH!?" Mona intensely screamed in his face.

"Please don't say horrible stuff like that to my boyfriend! That's not very polite. Now, say you're sorry, please," Pauline talked to her like she was a kindergartener.

"…WHAT!? Why the hell should I say sorry when he practically insulted me!?" Mona was not backing down from being called 'intense.'

"Because that's the mature thing to do. I should know because I have done stuff like that before, but now I have seen the light and became a new person with the strength given to me by the holy power of the millions of gods that watch over this forsaken planet!" Pauline preached in enlightenment, which only irritated Mona more.

"…Oh, okay, I get it. You're one of THOSE people. You must be really fun to hang out with," Mona replied sarcastically.

"She really is, Mona. You don't know her like I do, so step back, eat some peanuts, and chill for once," Waluigi said and kissed Pauline on the neck, which made her giggle.

"Huh? But I thought you were with Rosalina though?" Mona asked.

"He is, every other day. We're in a, how would you say…polyamorous relationship? Something like that. Today is his day with Pauline and tomorrow he's with me and so on and so forth. But…but…I don't understand why though! Me and Waluigi are meant to be together forever! He even told me that he fell in love with me the minute he laid his eyes on me! And then Pauline came along, happened to fall in love with her, caught him cheating on me with her, and then ended up making an agreement to have a 'three-way' relationship because I still wanted to be with him and vice versa but he also wanted to be with her too! WHY WALUIGI!? OUT OF ALL THE GUYS IN THE WORLD, WHY MUST YOU SCREW WITH MY MIND LIKE THIS YET BE SO PERFECT FOR ME!?" Rosalina whined melodramatically while Waluigi was picking his nose without a care in the world.

"Wow…okay…yikes. Well, if you want to be in a monogamous relationship, then why not just end it?" Mona asked.

"DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME!? I SAID HE WAS PERFECT FOR ME! NO OTHER MAN IS GONNA LOVE ME LIKE HE DOES! WHY IS LIFE SO UNFAIR SOMETIMES!?" Rosalina whined even more.

"Wow. You are truly pathetic. Wario, hurry this van up to the castle so I can get the fuck out of here away from all these crazy bitches," Mona demanded.

"You got it. Rosalina's perfume makes me nauseous anyways!" Wario said.

A few minutes passed by and Wario finally reached the castle. He drove up to the front, noticing that some of the others were there and ready to go. They all got out.

"FINALLY! Do you not realize how long we have been waiting here out in the sun!? MY SKIN IS GETTING BURNED HERE! YOUR VAN IS A SLOW ASS PIECE OF SHIT, JUST LIKE YOU!" Daisy screamed for no logically good reason.

"Okay, first off, shut your face. Secondly, you could've easily waited in the castle for us. Thirdly, you could've put sunblock on if you wanted to wait outside! FOURTHLY, QUIT BEING A LITTLE UPTIGHT BITCH!" Wario defended himself. Daisy seethed at this, knowing he pointed out the flaws in her logic, so she lunged at him, and the two started beating the crap out of each other…but this was completely normal (and even expected), so no one paid any mind to it.

"Uhh…hi everyone, I'm Mona, Wario's girlfriend," she said, not wanting to get involved in the vicious beatdown.

"Oh hello! So you're the Mona that Wario keeps talking about everytime we see him! Nice to finally meet you! I'm Princess Peach, and I rule the entire kingdom so therefore I rule you and everyone else! Teehee! Anyways, I'll introduce you to my friends, okay? The one in the red is my boyfriend, Luigi!" Peach said.

"Peach…I'm MARIO. Remember? How could you confuse me for Luigi like that? Unless…you two are involved in 'something' which would cause you to make a Freudian slip and thus, exposing yourself as a cheater?" Mario cryptically said and ended it with a disturbing smirk while creepy, Hollywood-like violin music started playing from nowhere.

"…What the fuck?" Mona was a bit freaked out since she didn't realize that the one and only Super Mario would talk so bizarrely.

"Ohhhh, DUH! Sorry Lui- I mean, Mario! Yeah, I get those two confused all the time! But can you blame me? They look exactly alike! Sometimes when I makeout with Mario, I'll think I'm actually making out with Luigi, but I don't stop because he's an awesome kisser, so therefore, Luigi must be too!" Peach gasped. Mona herself saw many differences between the two brothers and looked at the princess like she was the dumbest person that ever lived.

"Yeahhh…nothing to differentiate between them at all…" Mona said sarcastically.

"So, moving on! The other brother there is Luigi! I promise you, I got his name right!" Peach continued.

"'Sup with it? See these shades I got in my hands? Cost me 200 coins at Sunglass World, but totally worth it since all the chicks fall head over heels and snappin' pics of me whenever I'm out on Sunrise Boulevard, walking back and forth down the block for no reason. It's the power of the shades, yo!" Luigi described in the most obnoxious way possible.

"I used to have shades like those before. But then I accidentally dropped them in the sewers one day. Me and my family held a funeral for it a few days later," Waluigi randomly commented.

"The green dinosaur there is Yoshi, and that's his mutant boyfriend, Birdo!" Peach pointed to the pair who were leaning against their car, both smoking a joint.

"Giiiiirl…do I have to remind you again that I'm a giiiiirl? It's been a decade and a half since I got the gender reassignment surgery so…yeah…giiiiirl…" Birdo spoke while high out of her mind.

"WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL AT ME! I'M SO SORRY! THAT STUFF IS SO CONFUSING TO ME!" Peach overreacted and started to sob.

"There is no need to be offended, darling. I'm completely fine with her calling you my boyfriend because there's nothing wrong with a guy being with a guy, girl being with a girl, guy being with a girl, girl or guy being with a plant, girl or guy being with a gender-fluid person, etc. I'm not a fan of labels anyways," Yoshi spoke while sporting those trendy fake nerd glasses.

"…What the hell did he just say!?" Mona was more confused than ever.

"Um, something about plants, I guess. Now that person there is someone who I've known for forever…Bowser!" Peach pointed to the koopa king who cheesily grinned and waved to Mona.

"WHAT THE!? WHAT IS BOWSER DOING HERE!? PEACH, I THOUGHT YOU HATED BOWSER!? DID YOU TWO BECOME FRIENDS OR SOMETHING!? WHY DIDN'T YOU LET ME KNOW!? THIS COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS! I DON'T LIKE THIS AT ALL!" Rosalina annoyingly whined.

"Shut your pasty face, hoe! Peach invited me to come on this trip for whatever reason so I accepted, naturally! Especially because I knew that there was one person that I REALLY like that would be coming too!" Bowser exclaimed with a wink.

"What the!? Waluigi, he just called me a hoe! Aren't you gonna do anything about that!?" Rosalina cried.

"Nope, because you're not my girlfriend for today," Waluigi replied as he sniffed Pauline's hair, who didn't seem to mind.

"We all know what you're after, Bowser. I know your agenda. You think you're slick but I know who you really are. This is an earthquake drill, but I'm the only one that's trying to ring the alarms, you see. Because I know," Mario cryptically stated as the creepy violin music started to play again.

"Uhhhh is he always like that? And where the hell is that music coming from!?" Mona was getting more creeped out by the hero.

"Please don't judge Mario's personality, Mona. He has a mental disorder so therefore, he cannot control how he speaks," Yoshi said.

"Oh! I didn't realize there was a mental disorder for speaking in a creepy way and saying weird metaphors!" Pauline exclaimed in shock.

"That's because there isn't. Don't listen to the dinosaur, he's a fucking idiot," Bowser spat.

Daisy and Wario got done beating the crap out of each other, both bruised all over.

"UGH! That took SO much longer than I thought it would! You just HAD to sit your fatass on my face, didn't you!?" Daisy yelled.

"Hahaha! That's the most ass you'll ever get in your entire life!" Wario laughed in victory.

"Oh yeah! And that's my BFF, Princess Daisy! She likes to shout and curse a lot, especially at me, and always says her kingdom is better than mine, but that's okay because she was born that way!" Peach gleamed as she put her arm around her BFF's shoulder but Daisy pushed her off to the ground.

"Get your sweaty arm off me, bitch! I've already been tainted by the likes of that beast over there! Anyways, so THIS is Mona? Interesting. You're a lot less pudgy than I imagined," Daisy spoke while checking Mona up and down.

"Um, thanks I guess? But why did you imagine me as pudgy?" Mona asked.

"Because since Wario is fatter than a chain chomp, logic would denote that his girlfriend would be just as fat too. Or…maybe he's your sugar daddy!?" Daisy gasped at the thought. This pissed off Mona even more.

"NO NO NO! HE IS MY BOYFRIEND, OKAY!? AND YES, HE MAY BE FAT, BUT I FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE! AND IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT, THEN I'LL BE GLAD TO ADD MORE BRUISES ONTO YOU!" Mona got in her face.

"You go girl. Don't pay any mind to what people say about dating a fat person. Actually, human beings are supposed to be fat and blubbery to promote warmth during the winter seasons and in case of another ice age so Wario is already a step ahead of us in the apocalypse department," Yoshi informed.

"Thank you, Yoshi, for giving us that piece of info that no one gives a shit about!" Bowser 'happily' responded.

"You know Mona…I like you. No one's ever had the courage to yell in my face before. You've got spunk, kid. I like that," Daisy crossed her arms while smirking at her.

"I'm not a kid and I sure as hell don't like you already. Can we get going now?" Mona demanded.

"We're waiting for the kongs to arrive…and also, speaking of sugar daddies, the main reason we were waiting outside is because Toadsworth and his age-confused gold-digger girlfriend were busy getting it on in one of the bedrooms. They were yelling so loud and the bed was banging against the wall and…ugggghhh…I really don't wanna get into more details," Daisy rolled her eyes in disgust.

"Ain't nothing wrong with having some rough and freaky sex, maaaaan. It's in our nature to give into lust like a lion for whomever we find attractive, maaaaan," Birdo said.

A banana-yellow car drove up to the others. They parked and it was Diddy, Dixie, and DK who got out.

"Hey guys! Sorry we're late. Ms. Indecisive over there decided to make us get breakfast at McToads, but since she found a hair in her drink, she made a big deal about it and threw the drink in one of the worker's faces and threw mine and DK's food all over the place, THEN demanded that we eat at Burger Queen instead despite the fact that we never got a refund and also demanded that I pay for breakfast…AGAIN!" Diddy complained.

"Oh, hush, sweetie. It was all their fault! How DARE they let a strand of hair fall into my drink!? That is SUPER unprofessional! That hair could have dandruff or lice on it and if I hadn't looked beforehand, I would've DRANKEN it and all kinds of horrible stuff could happen to me! I deserve better than that! We are NEVER going to that place again and if I find out that you sneak off to eat there anyways, your hat will take a dive into a wood chipper!" Dixie ranted.

"I would be inclined to agree with you, Dixie, if it weren't for the fact that you ate a FAST FOOD joint. I mean, the stuff there is already low quality so you shouldn't be surprised to find a hair in your drink. I still cannot stand the fact that they kill certain animals to make that disgusting food. I've already petitioned for a riot to happen there a few days from now," Yoshi said.

"Oh, Yoshi…the way you talk about our world makes me wanna grab you and kiss- I mean, choke you! Ugh, you're so pretentious!" Dixie almost let it slip and blushed in embarrassment. Yoshi winked at her back.

"HEY DINO BOY! You better not shut down McToads, their fries are the only thing in this world that's better than garlic!" Wario objected.

"Hmm…he's got a point…those fries are heavenly…I'd even say they're better than weed…yeeaaahhh…" Birdo added.

"Okay, NOW can we go!? This conversation is putting me to sleep!" Mona yelled.

"Ugh, not yet! We're still waiting for Toadsworth and his gold-digger to get finished and come out since they're coming with us. Don't ask why an old person wants to hang out with a bunch of young adults, but it's his lakehouse we're staying at so whatever…" Daisy rolled her eyes.

"Actually…there's two more people coming as well…yeah, when we told these 'people' about the trip, they begged us to come along so…I hope you guys don't mind?" DK nervously admitted.

"Oh, that's okay, DK. You're too much of a proper gentleman to reject anyone like that anyways," Bowser complimented someone for once in his life.

"Errr, thank you…Bowser? Wait, did I just say 'thank you' to Bowser!?" DK was in shock at this bizarre event and so were a few others.

"Oh yay! The more the merrier! This will be the best weekend ever! Right, Daisy!?" Peach cheered as she hugged her 'BFF' but Daisy pushed her to the ground again.

"FUCK NO! It's already bad enough having to deal with you dumb bitches for this trip!" the princess insulted.

"Hey, princess. I'm definitely not dumb, right?" Luigi asked.

"Oh sweetie…you're definitely dumb. But not as dumb as the rest here. That's one of the reasons why I love you," Daisy gave a sweet smile and kissed him on the nose. Luigi got lovestruck and fainted to the ground.

A hot pink car pulled up to the castle grounds and parked. Everyone dropped their jaws in surprise at who it was.

It was the two monkey babes, Tiny and Candy Kong. They both got out, both wearing the smallest crop tops anyone has ever seen, basically covering just their boobs. Along with that was also VERY short denim shorts that barely covered their butts. Their makeup was overdone, making them look 10 years older than they really were. And as if it couldn't get any worse, they were wearing six inch stripper heels.

"Uhhh, who the hell invited the hookers?" Wario asked in disgust.

"DK…were those the people that begged to come along?" Peach asked, shocked at their attire.

"Indeed. Now, why is everyone giving them such strange looks? Did I miss something?" DK asked while scratching his head.

"What's up, gang? Haven't seen some of you in forever. The last time we all hung out was when we were doing that cheesy baseball shit, right? Yeah. This is going to be a weekend that none of us will ever forget," Tiny said as she rested her arm on DK's shoulder and winked at Mario.

"I just wanna let you all know, for this weekend only, she is NOT my sister. Okay? I don't know her! She doesn't even go here!" Dixie yelled, making sure no one associates her with Tiny.

"Kind of odd for you to wink at me right after you say that. Makes me think that you're planning something very mysterious. I've got my ears and eyes on you. I'll figure out your agenda," Mario stated as the creepy violin music started playing again.

Candy Kong lit a cigarette and rested her arm on DK's other shoulder. "Chill out, big boy. We're all here to have a good time, right? Well…maybe we could have a FANTASTIC time if some money were also involved, you know?"

Everyone else (besides Tiny) widened their eyes, knowing what she was hinting at.

Daisy almost gagged at this. "Oh my god, I feel like I just walked into a prostitute convention! TOADSWORTH! TOODLES! HURRY THE FUCK UP SO I CAN GET AWAY FROM THESE WHORES!"

"You guys seriously need to stop slut-shaming those two. Women can wear whatever they want, this is a free country. I bet you wouldn't say this if it was a guy wearing that," Yoshi defended the girls.

"Hehe, I'd actually be drooling if I saw a guy wear that!" Bowser snickered. Everyone gave a weird stare to Bowser as cricket noises were heard.

The castle door slammed open and out came Toadsworth and Toodles.

"Finally! What took you guys so long?" Wario groaned.

"Sorry about that! We were, um, roleplaying…a scene from, uhh, Pokemon!" Toadsworth clearly lied since he was shifting his eyes back and forth repeatedly.

"Yes, Toadsworth was playing Drowzee and I was playing Vileplume. We were at the part where he used Pound on me…multiple times!" Toodles giggled. Everyone's faces turned green.

"OH MY GOD, THAT'S FUCKING DISGUSTING! YOU EVER PUT THAT IMAGERY IN MY HEAD AGAIN AND I'LL SAW YOUR HEAD OFF!" Wario threatened.

"Very sorry to disgust you, old chap! But now we must get a move on, correct?" Toadsworth asked.

"Yes, like, now please! Any second now and we'll all be at each other's throats…AGAIN!" Diddy panicked, remembering the previous 20 or so times everyone ended up getting into an all-out brawl whenever they went on a trip.

"Of course, of course. The lakehouse should be spot clean as I had Toad and Toadette watch over it the past few days since they wanted to stay at the lakehouse but weren't allowed to actually stay over with all of us, since this is an 'adults only' getaway," Toadsworth explained.

"Okay, but, once we get there, who's gonna drive Toad and Toadette back to the city?" Luigi asked.

"Why, they can drive themselves back, of course!" Toadsworth cheered.

"But…they're kids…how the fuck are they gonna DRIVE!? And whose car will they even drive anyways!?" Daisy pointed out.

"Oh, they'll drive mine, of course! Don't worry, despite the fact that neither of them have licenses and they probably aren't tall enough to see much of the road anyways, I 100% trust that they'll get my car back safe and sound!" Toadsworth exclaimed with positivity.

*cricket noises*

"…Okay, I think it's time to go now. So guys, just like last time, we'll either go in Mario's van or Wario's van, because there are too many cars here to keep track of and follow and whatnot. I'll go in Mario's van since it smells like pineapples," Yoshi instructed.

"Mario, you should let me drive your van. I can get us to the lakehouse faster than…well, maybe not faster than Sonic, but faster than Wario's piece of crap car from the 70's," Daisy pleaded.

"C'mon Dais, it's my bro's van, so we should let him do the driving, know what I'm sayin' G?" Luigi asked with a wink at Rosalina.

"No, I don't know what you're saying! No one knows what you're saying! Why does my head feel like it'll explode!? I don't remember overdosing on magic!" Rosalina cried.

"That's because all the drivers on the freeway are fucking IDIOTS! They're always merging without turning their blinker lights on, or tailgating you, or driving too slow, or some other stupid shit! It's better to just get on there and get it overwith!" Daisy ranted.

"Enough. I'll drive. I can handle the freeway just fine," Mario said, cueing the creepy violin music yet again.

"OH COME ON! How was that even creepy or cryptic!?" Mona grunted towards the music.

"Come on DK, let's go ride in Wario's van, it has a nice backseat with our names on it!" Tiny said with flirtiness in her tone.

"Oh! Alright then. I've never been in his van before anyways, so I don't mind," DK said, not noticing Tiny's high interest in him.

"Why don't you sit in the middle of the backseat, sweetie? Me and Tiny can hold onto you in case things get REALLY bumpy," Candy winked with the same amount of flirtiness in her tone.

"Okay, but I kinda doubt the road will be that rough," DK responded obliviously.

"Oh…y-you guys are coming with us? That's, um, c-cool! We could…uhh…get to know each other…yeah…" Pauline said in discomfort.

"I guess we're going in Mario's van then. Don't think there's any more room in Wario's…besides, I'd rather not be near those two freaky girls," Diddy said.

"That's fine. Ooh, we can sit next to Yoshi! I will sit next to him, okay!? DON'T SIT NEXT TO HIM!" Dixie demanded.

"I want to ride in your van, Wario! I don't wanna be in the same car as the creepy plumber!" Bowser shouted.

"Okay, but you do realize you'll have to sit on the ground in the wayyyy back, right? There won't be any room on the seats!" Wario said.

"I don't care. I just wanna…not be close to Mario no matter what! Y-Yeah," Bowser spoke in a weird way.

"I shall be taking my own car to the lakehouse. See you all there, yeah?" Toadsworth said while waving goodbye.

"Yes, see you guys in a while. Oh, and make sure not to forget my face, because it is the most beautiful thing you'll ever see in your life, and remembering it will make your day immediately better," Toodles speeched with a wink. Everyone else almost threw up in their mouths.

EOC.

Hope you all enjoyed this intro chapter. I already have the death list planned out so I will not be making any changes, but I think the death order will be pleasing to most people. I kinda like writing in this new style, it's different, and I think it's always pleasant for every author to take new risks, you know? As usual, say who you want to live or die, and I'll try to get the next chapter out asap.


	2. Stranger Danger

**Cast: Mario the Cryptic, Luigi the Smooth Dude, Daisy the Bitch, Peach the Wannabe Bitch, Rosalina the Overdramatic, Pauline the Reborn, Mona the Overachiever, Wario the Fat Bastard, Waluigi the Weirdo, DK the Clueless, Diddy the Normal, Dixie the Egomaniac, Candy Kong the Homewrecker, Tiny Kong the Wannabe Homewrecker, Yoshi the Hipster, Birdo the Pothead, Toadsworth the Optimist, Toodles the Superficial Gold-digger, Bowser the Obsessive Stalker**

About an hour of driving passed by and the gang arrived at Camp Acid Lake. They parked not too far from Toadsworth's beautiful, rich, and modern lakehouse and got out. Of course, the actual drive there was exactly like how you imagined; constant bitching, groping, making out, slap fights, talking shit about the person next to them, etc. But this was typical for the traditional Mario Crew road trip so the very few that didn't get involved in any of the above just tuned the others out.

"Ahhh! Smell that fresh scent of Camp Acid, everyone? Truly remarkable!" Toadsworth said as he took a big whiff of the air.

"Fresh scent!? All I smell is horse shit! Not sure what's wrong with your nostrils, grandpa!" Wario spat.

"Well, there IS a horse ranch near here, so that may explain it," Toadsworth replied.

"Alright, move it you hags! I'm getting first choice of the rooms. Luigi, grab all of my suitcases and follow me upstairs," Daisy demanded as she pushed everyone out of Mario's van.

"Ay, why do I have to carry all these big ass bags with me!? And why da fuck did you bring seven suitcases with you? We're only staying a weekend!" Luigi cried.

"Yeah! What did you do, bring your entire room with you?" Bowser snickered.

"Uhh, DUH! Of course I did! Do you really think I trust that all my important stuff back at the castle is going to remain there still when I get back? The last caretaker I hired stole my underwear, my champagne, my blue colored contact lenses, my Playgirl magazines, and wrote the word 'HOOCHIE' in black sharpie all over my walls! So yeah, I have a right to be paranoid! NOW C'MON WEEGEE!" Daisy went on a rant that literally no one gave a damn about because she does this on an average of every 30 minutes per day.

Dixie ran in front of the princess and blocked her from going forward. "Hold up just a sec! Since I'm clearly the most important character here AND the prettiest out of all you wannabe ladies, it's only logical that I get first pick of the room, no? I understand that you, Daisy, are very headstrong because you inherited your wealth from mommy and daddy and got everything handed to you on a silver platter along with having a boyfriend who talks like he came straight outta Brooklyn, but that doesn't mean you automatically get priority over awesome me!"

Daisy gave her the most disgusted look that she ever gave anyone in her life. "EXCUSE ME!? DO YOU KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU'RE TALKING TO!? Dixie, your fanbase is the size of a birth control pill! If I were to walk up to every single person on this planet and asked them if they knew who the fuck Dixie Kong was AKA The Delusional Queen, less than 3% would say yes, whereas that percentage would be significantly higher if it was about me. And do you know why, Dixie? BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING NOBODY! You're the one that's a wannabe, you narcissistic bimbo! Your dumb, irrelevant ass hasn't even starred in a Mario game for over seven years now! You'll always be known as that side chick character in those overrated Donkey Kong games! Get a clue!"

Dixie dropped her jaw at this spiel. How dare she insult the one and only Dixie Queen?

"Yeah! The only relevant and hot girls here are me and Daisy, because we're rich and…well…we're just super hot, okay!? And monkeys can't be hot, so, uhh, take that!" Peach tried to dish the level of damage that Daisy did but failed since it was so weak and try-hard.

"Who says that monkeys can't be hot? Quit being racist, Peach. This is 2015 for crying out loud, you'd think we would have the youth of today be more open minded," Yoshi spoke in PCness. Dixie smiled at his defense.

"Don't listen to anything she says, Dixie. She's just jealous because she can't use her hair to twirl herself to faraway places," Diddy said while holding her hands. His girlfriend just kept staring at Yoshi, lost in his eyes.

"So, um, do you really get paid 300 coins per night 'performing' and showing off your body parts to a bunch of desperate men?" Pauline asked who was slightly grossed out.

"That's about an average amount. It's also good exercise cause it burns a lot of calories grinding up and down that pole. If you want, I can put in a good word for ya, I'm sure there will be plenty of more 'thirsty' men just dying to see the body of an actual human being!" Candy winked.

"Oh no no no! That's fine! You see, I actually have class and morals, so me AND my boyfriend evade those places. Why are you degrading yourself in order to satisfy a bunch of superficial men anyways?" Pauline said, being all judgy of course.

"Because men are awesome, and screw class and morals. My motto is always 'do whatever the fuck you want cause life is short, sex is awesome, and drugs are okay ONLY in moderation'. Besides, working at a strip club can be fun. One time, I let this guy put a coin into my-"

"STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT! NO MORE OF THIS! Please…just…don't even look at me for the rest of the time we're here! I can't even believe I engaged myself into a conversation about this nasty stuff! I'm gonna go makeout with Waluigi to take my mind off this!" Pauline shouted, cutting off whatever perverted story Candy was about to tell.

As everyone entered the lakehouse, they noticed a mysterious red stain on the carpet and wood floor.

"What the hell is that? Did those idiot kids spill kool-aid in here?" Wario asked.

"Are you sure it's Kool-Aid? It looks…different, somehow. I can't put my finger on it," Rosalina said.

"What if I lick it? Do you think I would be able to determine if it's Kool-Aid or not just from that?" Waluigi eagerly asked.

"Quit being disgusting, you marvelous twig. We'll have those toads clean this mess up and send them out of here so me and Toadsworth can go 'roleplay' in the bedroom again, hmm hmm!" Toodles giggled in delight.

"Can someone please strangle this bitch already? God, I feel like I wanna hurl my entire breakfast up everytime I hear her speak! TOAD! TOADETTE! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!?" Daisy shouted and went upstairs to look for them while Luigi was struggling for dear life as he carried her bags up.

"How are we so sure this is Kool-Aid though? It could also be of another substance…a RED substance…" Mario hinted, cueing the creepy music yet again.

"Wait, Mario. Are you saying…this could be Toadette's period blood on the floor!?" Bowser gasped girlishly.

"EW! I AM DISGUSTED! She needs to realize that there's a reason why tampons were made! Plus, the girl only has three holes, it's not that hard to figure out where to put it!" Tiny shrieked.

"Okay, stop! Now you're grossing ME out! I'm sure Toadette is smart enough to know when it's coming and where to put it, so I highly doubt it's that. I don't wanna say this…but my magical sensing powers of boringness are telling me that this liquid is something radically different!" Rosalina declared. Everyone else gasped.

"WOAH! So…are you saying…this could be Toad's blood!? Meaning, he was the one who had a period instead of Toadette!?" DK said in terror.

"Yeeeaaahhh man, that actually makes lots of sense. Toad, being a guy, suddenly gets his period, and since he obviously didn't see this wondrous event coming, he spilled the blood all over the floor and ran away in embarrassment and his little sis went after him to find him. Mystery solved. Let's all get high to celebrate," Birdo proudly resolved the issue (or so she thought) and got out a bunch of joints.

"Yes! That is EXACTLY what I was- wait…NO NO NO! Boys don't get periods! It's impossible! What I was about to say, was that this is ACTUAL blood! It belongs to one of the toads' or both! Something crazy happened here!" Rosalina revealed, though she could've easily done that when she was speaking previously instead of trying to create suspense.

"So…they both got their periods then?" DK asked again. Mona smacked her forehead and groaned in frustration.

"OH MY GOD! Here, I have a better idea! Let's just assume it's Kool-Aid, clean it up, and then we'll go look for the toads, okay!?" she yelled, wanting to end the stupidity going around.

"I still think I should lick it just to check," Waluigi added.

* * *

DK went into his room on the first floor, carrying his suitcase with him. It was a small room, but it contained a king-sized bed, a big closet, and a sliding door that led to a small patio.

"Not too shabby! I can see into a lot of the forest from here as well! Now then, time to unpack my stuff. I'm not sure why I brought such a huge suitcase with me, though. I mean, it's not like I wear any clothes besides my necktie. Plus, I'm practically naked but no one says anything about it so I guess it's okay. The only things I brought with me were 100 bananas and a guide on how to make banana smoothies," DK said to himself as he threw his suitcase on the bed and started unpacking it.

"Oh sweetie, I am MORE than okay with you just wearing a necktie," Candy giggled in a creepy/perverted/sexual/mysterious/spiritual way as she walked into his room.

"Oh! Candy, you scared me! What's going on?" DK asked, still oblivious to her flirtatiousness.

"All the rooms are taken, and since you're my closest friend, I was wondering if I could share this room with you?" she asked as she walked closer to him, her hands subtly cupping her breasts.

"Oh, of course you can, Candy! What, you would think I'd be rude and say no? NAW! I'm a nice guy. In fact, I'm so nice, that one time I even let King K. Rool spend the night in my cave where I keep my banana hoard at because it was at night, it was raining, and he was lost in the woods, trying to find his way out," DK recalled excitedly.

Candy sighed and shook her head. "I see. Was the banana hoard missing the following day?"

"Yes, it was. Very strange, huh?" DK replied dumbly. Candy resisted the urge to insult his intelligence because it would ruin her 'chances'.

"Ugh, whatever, DK. It is SUCH a good thing you are incredibly handsome and muscular," she shook it off and touched his shoulder, standing mere inches from him now.

KNOCK KNOCK!

Candy turned around and widened her eyes at who was standing in the doorway.

"Hey DK! So, all the rooms are taken, and I was just curious, would you mind if I shared this room with you? I also conveniently did not bring any blankets with me, so I'm sure you wouldn't mind me also sleeping with you…I-I mean in the same bed as you! Y-Yeah, I do NOT have ulterior motives so don't be shy!" Tiny said, trying not to blow her cover.

"Really? They're all taken? Did you even check all the rooms, little girl?" Candy asked with a death stare, wanting her man all to herself.

"Bitch, did YOU check? I saw your fake, plastic ass walk in here as soon as DK walked away in the living room!" Tiny angrily accused.

"EXCUSE ME!? The only thing that's plastic here is your face! That's right, I know aaaaaaaalllllllllll about the surgery you got done last year. You thought your huge and sudden growth spurt wasn't enough to show off your new 'assets' to the boys so you got plastic surgery done to make yourself look like a 40 year old crack addict in a desperate attempt to prove to the world that you're no longer a teenager, when in fact, you're still 19! No wonder why Dixie still looks younger than you, despite her being older!" Candy told her off to the best of her ability. Tiny gasped and took a step back at her fierce insult. She didn't think she would go so overboard with wanting to share a room with DK.

"What? You're 19, Tiny? But you told me you were 29!" DK also gasped.

"Just…oh…GET OVER YOURSELF, BITCH! I'm still sleeping with- I mean…sharing this room with DK and if you don't like it, then go screw Funky Kong! I'm sure he's itching for another round considering you sleep with him FOR FREE unlike everyone else you sleep with!" Tiny retorted and smirked, knowing that got her since she turned red.

"LADIES, LADIES! Turn down the tension, will ya? There's no need to get so angry over all the rooms being taken! You two can stay here with me. I'm sure Toadsworth has sleeping bags so you two can sleep comfortably on the floor, okay?" DK said calmly, paying no mind to what they were revealing about each other.

"Umm, hon, I was actually hoping to sleep in the same bed as you. It WOULD be a lot more comfortable after all," Candy winked.

"If you're sleeping in the bed with him, then so am I! I CALL THE MIDDLE!" Tiny declared.

Next, Bowser came walking in. "What's up, DK? All of the rooms were taken, so I was kinda hoping you'd be fine if I-"

"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE, BOWSER!" the girls yelled. Bowser shrieked and ran off.

* * *

"So, Mona, what do you think of everyone so far? Don't be afraid to be honest. I won't be offended if you tell me something like they all need to be put in an asylum," Wario asked as they both got settled into their room.

"All of them are either fucking bizarre, annoying, or both. Seriously, how do you not go insane by hanging around these people so often? Please tell me you're not this desperate to keep a circle of friends!" Mona confessed.

"Oh, dear, I AM insane. That's why I fit in perfectly with this group of nimrods. But being around you makes me sane. And I don't give a damn what they think of you!" Wario also confessed. Mona grew a smile.

"Aww Wario! That's…possibly the sweetest thing you've ever said to me!" she exclaimed as heart fluttered.

"I actually think that's the sweetest thing I've ever said in my entire life! Better cherish this moment cause this is a rare occasion!" Wario laughed.

"Well then…I guess we better make this moment even more memorable, eh?" Mona said seductively as she locked the door and started unbuttoning her shirt.

"Woah! Heh, i-is this what I think it is?" Wario started getting excited.

"If you're thinking what I'm thinking, then yes, it is," Mona replied as she took her shirt off, exposing her bra, and laid on the bed while motioning him to come to her.

"Oh! Um, what if I'm thinking of something else though?" Wario asked. Mona gave him a blank stare.

"Wario, just shut up and take me!" she groaned.

"Oh okay! Hot diggety dog, this is a great start to the weekend!" Wario yelled in excitement and jumped on Mona. She screamed as she was immediately being suffocated.

"AH! WARIO! WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT JUMPING ON ME WHILE I'M ON THE BED!?" she yelled in pain.

"Sorry! Bad habits!" Wario cringed. And with that, the bedframe crashed down to the floor as well.

* * *

Some time passed by and the gang decided to go outside and swim or get a tan. Some of them were already outside.

"Wait, so we're NOT going to look for the Toads then?" Mona asked in confusion, being the only one that wasn't in a bathing suit or bikini.

"Oh no, I am positive that they are doing just fine! They'll be back in no time, for sure. They probably just got lost in the woods there and are being chased down by a monster as we speak, but that's okay, because it happens all the time!" Toadsworth spoke with such upbeat confidence, which disturbed Mona a bit. He then walked off to take a dip in the lake.

"Yeah Mona! They're high schoolers, so I'm sure they can take care of themselves!" Peach added with double the upbeatness. "Now c'mon, get your bikini on and come tan with me and Daisy! We don't wanna look as pale as Casper the Ghost for the summer, do we?"

"Well…if you say so…" Mona rolled her eyes, still being concerned for these toads that everyone else said would be here, but went off to go get changed anyways.

Peach walked towards the beach and saw Daisy lying on the sand, staring at her weirdly.

"What's wrong? Do I have ugliness on my face!?" Peach squealed.

"No! Well, actually, that is debatable. But it's something else. Have you been eating a lot more sweets than usual lately? Or been going to the gym less?" Daisy asked.

"Um, n-no. Why do you say that? I don't look fat, d-do I?" Peach started to panic.

"Well, your stomach does look slightly flabbier than the last time I saw it and your thigh gap is a bit smaller too. Are you sure you're not binging on those Krispy Kreme donuts? That store IS around the corner from your castle, you know…" Daisy started to sound condescending, which trumped Peach's confidence piece by piece.

"W-w-well I, um, do go eat there once a week…b-but it's only two donuts that I eat! That's not bad…is it!?" she panicked even more.

"TWO DONUTS!? Peach, at this rate, you're going to look like him if you don't stop this nonsense!" Daisy pointed behind Peach and she turned around to find out she was pointing to Wario who was walking to the girls in his bathing shorts.

"OH MY GOD! ANYTHING BUT THAT! I WOULD RATHER SLIDE DOWN A HILL OF RAZOR BLADES NUDE!" Peach screamed in horror.

"HUH!? What the fuck are you guys talking about!?" Wario heard Peach's comment and widened his eyes.

"Then go run laps around the beach, fatass! You need to burn off those thousands of calories! GO GO GO!" Daisy commanded and Peach did as she said, like an idiot.

"What the hell was that all about? Oh, nevermind, I think I know. Having your puppet of a moron do everything you tell her to because she thinks you're everything BUT an annoying, snobby, ginger skank?" Wario snickered like an elementary school kid.

Daisy growled a bit and said, "You know, Wario, if I didn't know any better, I would say that you're the first pregnant man to ever exist in our universe! How far along are you, 8 months? But wait a second! In order for that to happen, you would've had sex with a…oh my gosh! So, who is the father then? Mario? Luigi? DK? Bowser!? When are you gonna break the news to Mona about your pregnancy AND sexuality!?" in the most obnoxious and irritating way possible. Wario got heated at this and kicked a bunch of sand in her face. He ran off into the water while Daisy screamed like a madman and chased after him.

The rest of the gang came outside in their swim attire, which were Diddy, Dixie, Yoshi, Birdo, Candy, Tiny, and Bowser. Candy and Tiny were, of course, wearing the thinnest bra and underwear straps, so very little was left to the imagination.

"I still don't know why I was the one that had to clean up the Kool-Aid! I had to scrub over that shit like 50,000 times before it even started to come out!" Bowser complained.

"You did it because no one here likes you and you're ugly," Dixie spat while checking her face in her own hand-held mirror.

"Don't listen to her, maaaaan. C'mon, why don't you throw all that anger away by getting a dose of my fantabulous weed? It'll make you chillax," Birdo calmly suggested.

"Hmm…fine. Don't be surprised if I end up singing any Taylor Swift songs though. That's my 'go-to' music whenever I'm chillaxing," Bowser admitted.

"Sorry, but can you not mention her name around me please? I'm still pissed off that she went pop because her country stuff was soooo much better, and just hearing her name also triggers me to sulk in frustration and despair," Yoshi protested, taking his fake nerd glasses off.

"Oh, shut up you overrated dinosaur. Aren't your species supposed to be extinct?" Bowser growled.

"Yoshi, I just realized that we have soooo much in common! Come sunbathe with me," Dixie spoke excitedly and dragged Yoshi to the sand.

"Wait, Dixie? I thought you wanted to go swimming with me?" Diddy asked, raising a brow.

"I will, I will! Just go on without me! I wanna be with Yoshi right now and not you, okay? BYE!" Dixie quickly yelled and continued to run off with Yoshi.

"Huh. Is it just me or do those two seem much closer than usual?" Diddy asked in curiosity.

"Oh no, I think so too. I spied on them making out at the park last week. It was…strangely hot," Bowser weirdly confessed. Diddy backed away from him in disgust.

"What the hell!? GROSS, MAN! But, wait, you're lying, right? She would never cheat on me. She may act selfish a lot of the time, including saying ridiculous things like 'every guy in this world wants a piece of my monkey cooch' but I really think she's just being satirical, honestly," he denied.

Bowser laughed at him. "If you don't see how obvious it is, then that makes you the dumb on in the group. Anyways…oh! I see DK doing push-ups over there! Look at those manly arms! Come on Birdo, let's go get high with Donkey Bong! Hehe, get it? I made a weed joke. Funny, huh?"

"Nope. But don't worry, I'll probably laugh about it later when I'm stoned again, maaaan. Let's go," Birdo said and walked with Bowser to DK.

"Hey, wait for me! I wanna join in on this 'stoning' too!" Candy called out desperately and went to go after him, but tripped on Tiny's foot and faceplanted in the sand.

"Whoops! My bad! Me extending my foot out was definitely NOT intentional! So sorry!" Tiny said in a fake cry.

Meanwhile, Mario was laying on a chair, getting his tan with Toodles next to him. Her body was actually a bit toned. Luigi walked on over.

"Yo! Bro! You coming in the water? I'm planning on skinny dipping pretty soon! You should join with me! And don't worry, I'll make sure no one laughs at your stretch marks!" Luigi asked.

"No thank you. I just wanna lay here and let my skin absorb the blazing heat while I think about life and how precious the bumblebees are," Mario responded. Creepy violin music ensued yet again.

"What? But bro, you're Italian! Therefore, your skin is automatically tan!" Luigi exclaimed and stereotyped.

"Exactly," Mario replied.

"Exactly what?" Luigi reiterated.

"What do you mean?" Mario asked.

"HUH? I'm saying that…aww fuck it! Your plumber ass is too confusing for my brain! GERONIMO!" Luigi screamed as he did a triple frontflip into the water.

"You know, Mario, the secret to looking young is actually very easy. Just get lots of plastic surgery. How do you think a 50 year old woman like me manages to have the face and body of a 30 year old?" Toodles bragged.

"Plastic surgery destroys relationships and self-esteems. Not into it," Mario quickly commented.

"Oh, you're just jealous because you can't keep that weight on your belly off. But that's okay. You're rich, right? That's all that matters. We rich people must stick together and keep these poor shmucks out of our lives because all they do is whine and contaminate our society with their ugly, acne-ridden faces," Toodles went on a slight rant as she fanned herself.

"That's very debatable," Mario quickly commented again.

"Yeah, well, so is being with a man 20 years older than you, but you don't see me complaining, now do ya?" Toodles giggled obnoxiously like the twat she was.

"Yeah…I suppose there's plenty of other things about, like…" Mario began to say but didn't finish his sentence for whatever reason.

"Like…what?" Toodles asked.

No response. Creepy violin music ensued yet again.

"Like what, Mario? Are you afraid to tell me something?" Toodles kept asking, now being creeped out by his silence.

Still no response. More creepy violin music.

"Ugh, forget it. I'm so glad I didn't hook up with you on the Excess Express," she recalled.

Meanwhile, Waluigi and Pauline were in the water, swimming while holding each other tight at the same time.

"Oh Waluigi! I'm so glad I'm here on this trip with you. You make my day instantly better. But don't worry, I'm not gonna go and list off a bunch of cheesy and cliché romance lines from old poems or Tumblr, cause I know you don't like that," Pauline said heartwarmingly.

"I wonder if this water is safe to drink. Why do they call it Camp Acid Lake anyways? Is there acid in the water? Or did this use to be a place where a bunch of people got high on acid?" Waluigi randomly asked.

"Hey Waluigi! Come play some Frisbee with me! Just promise me you won't try to catch it in your mouth like a dog again!" Rosalina cheered from the shoreline.

"Maybe tomorrow. Today I'm with Pauline, remember? She's all mine right now so try to find someone else to play with," Waluigi responded without even looking at her.

"But…but…no…NO! WALUIGI, LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME RIGHT NOW IN THE EYES AND TELL ME THAT YOU LOVE ME!" Rosalina shrilled as she charged through the water over to them.

"Rosalina, just stop it! You have to respect our boundaries! T! You know what that words mean, right?" Pauline scolded like she was a preacher again.

"Don't talk to me! WALUIGI! Look at me! Tell me right now that this polyamorous relationship is either something you want or don't want! Be honest!" Rosalina demanded, grabbing him and made him turn around.

"Ugh…I want you both, okay? We've been over this before, Rosetta Stone! You told me you were okay with it!" Waluigi groaned.

"ROSETTA STONE!? WHAT THE HELL!? THAT'S NOT EVEN MY NICKNAME! YOU…YOU FORGOT MY NICKNAME TOO, HAVEN'T YOU!? THAT'S…THAT'S IT! I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU! I'M GOING TO CLAIM MY INDEPENDENCE AND PLEDGE TO BE SINGLE FOR A WHOLE YEAR BECAUSE THAT WAS ONE OF MY NEW YEARS' RESOLUTIONS A LONG TIME AGO ANYWAYS! I HOPE YOU TWO LIVE A LONG AND GOOD LIFE FULL OF A SERIES OF UNPREDICTABLE EVENTS!" Rosalina screamed while crying and stormed off into the woods.

"Wow…she was really upset, Waluigi…I guess she just couldn't handle you being shared with another girl. But that's okay. We're not all cut out for polyamory," Pauline sighed.

"Don't worry about it, honey. Tomorrow is my day with her, so I'll go comfort her then and sob the entire day with her," Waluigi responded like what just happened was no big deal.

Meanwhile, Rosalina walked off into the woods, going into a random direction, and still sobbing.

"I…I can't believe I just did that…but…*sniff* I think it felt right…but at the same time *sniff* I feel like I just wanna die…" she said to herself, still walking. She then bumped into something. She looked up and saw a tall figure wearing dirty, dark clothes with a hockey mask on its face. It looked like a koopa.

"Oh! I'm sorry. I'm not in a good place right now. I'll be out of your way…" Rosalina apologized and moved past him. She walked a few feet away from him before she realized something.

"Wait a second…" she whispered and slowly turned around. She gasped when she saw the figure suddenly facing her now. "Y-You look exactly like that urban legend guy that's supposedly around here…you're K-Koopson Voorhees, aren't you?"

The figure nodded.

"Oh! So…I'm going to assume you're gonna try to kill me then?" she asked.

The figure nodded again.

"I see…AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she suddenly screamed so loud that all the nearby birds flew away and ran off. Unfortunately, the cliché 'tripping over a branch' happened and Rosalina was momentarily stuck. As soon as she got herself back up, the killer grabbed her with ease and threw her some feet away at the ground. Rosalina cried in helplessness as he grabbed a rope and tied it around her neck. He then pulled on the rope that was lying on the ground, which a part of it was also wrapped around a tree branch, and pulled on it, sending her up in the air. Rosalina struggled to let out any noise she could make since her airway was cut off. He kept pulling on the rope and stopped when Rosalina was now a few feet above the ground. She kept kicking and trying to move her body around in hopes of getting her head out of the noose, but nothing worked. Soon, she slowly stopped moving and her eyes closed.

EOC.

I forgot to mention this previously, but there will be at least one death in every chapter, so no filler chapters here! Yay! Two people will die next chapter, and I've already got the whole outline of the story planned out so all I need to do is type it and this fic will be done in no time. I'm expecting this story to be 10 or 11 chapters at most. Also, please vote on my poll in the profile. Thanks!


	3. Storytime

**Cast: Mario the Cryptic, Luigi the Smooth Dude, Daisy the Bitch, Peach the Wannabe Bitch, Pauline the Reborn, Mona the Overachiever, Wario the Fat Bastard, Waluigi the Weirdo, DK the Clueless, Diddy the Normal, Dixie the Egomaniac, Candy Kong the Homewrecker, Tiny Kong the Wannabe Homewrecker, Yoshi the Hipster, Birdo the Pothead, Toadsworth the Optimist, Toodles the Superficial Gold-digger, Bowser the Obsessive Stalker**

After some time of playing/tanning/swimming/flirting/shouting/punching/slapping/etc. on the lake, the gang decided that it was time to eat lunch, especially because it was 2pm now. Mona had to use the bathroom first, but when she came down, she was in for a surprise. There were two tables in the kitchen. DK, Mario, Peach, Luigi, Daisy, Toadsworth, and Toodles were sitting at the left table, and everyone else was sitting at the right table besides Dixie.

Dixie was the second to last to get her lunch, which consisted of three bananas, Dorito chips, and a triple deluxe cheeseburger. She walked over to Daisy's table.

"Umm, excuse me? What the hell do you think you're doing!?" Daisy asked with her usual attitude.

"Umm, I'm going to sit down and eat, that's what the hell I'm doing, you tramp!" Dixie hissed.

"NO! YOU CAN'T FUCKING SIT WITH US! This table is only for the popular and cool characters! Sit your ass at the lame table over there!" Daisy shouted, pointing to the table next to hers, which everyone there paid her no mind.

"WHAT!? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!? I AM THE LITERAL DEFINITION OF COOL AND POPULAR! MY FUCKING HAIR IS LONGER, BLONDER, AND SILKIER THAN YOURS WILL EVER WISH TO BE! NO ONE EVEN LIKES GINGER HAIR! GAAAAAAHHHH! THIS ISN'T THE END!" Dixie screamed, being more pissed off than ever. Daisy was now on her hit list. Dixie slammed her plate against the other table and dropped down in her chair.

"Hey, Dix, calm down, it's alright. It's not the end of the world. Besides, you get to sit next to me, you know, your boyfriend!" Diddy tried to cheer her up.

"Don't talk to me! I'm filled with a ton of raging emotions right now! I also need to come up with a plan to make myself more popular and loved than that biatch. Clearly, she doesn't see that my underground fanbase is larger than hers is and I've starred in more than one mainstream game, which I can't say for the princess of piss-colored dresses!" Dixie ranted.

"Wait. Did you seriously just call your girlfriend 'DIX'? BWAHAHAHA! THAT IS THE MOST TRAGIC NICKNAME ANYONE COULD EVER HAVE!" Bowser immaturely laughed.

"Oh, grow up, Bowser. Not everything has to be a freaking sexual innuendo. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to stuff more wieners down my throat," Yoshi said then went to the counter to put a bunch more barbecued Hot Dogs on his plate.

"Oh Yoshi, you are the most level-headed person I've ever met…besides me, of course!" Dixie giggled.

"What about me? I mean, I'd like to consider to myself level-headed too. And kind, and mature, and somewhat intelligent!" Diddy exclaimed, now getting more suspicious.

"All of those are debatable, sweetie pie. Now calm down and eat your mini-pretzels," Dixie responded, not even looking at him.

Mona stomped over to Daisy's table. "Okay, what the hell was all that about!? This table is only for popular and cool characters!? We're not in high school anymore you dummy!"

"Oh, hush! It makes complete sense if you really think about it. As popular and more respected characters, we cannot be associated with those lesser beings over there at all times. We need our space to chill out and be cool, you know? We also can't risk their 'lesser coolness' to rub off on us, either! We don't others to think we're low-tier just because we hang out with low-tier characters all the time, now do we?" Daisy explained, but her obnoxious explanation made Mona even more pissed.

"No, it actually doesn't make sense, because for one, that's just creating a division of classes for absolutely no reason, and two, if this really is the case, then why is Yoshi sitting at the other table then? Isn't he the most overrated character in the series?" Mona asked.

"Yes, he is, and I DID invite him to sit here, but since he wants to be associated with that pink thing whose mouth is bigger than my ass, that makes him automatically uncool. Plus, he's a stupid hipster anyways. You, however, might not be popular, but you are definitely pretty and I like your spunkiness, so therefore, I invite you to come sit with us," Daisy gestured, pointing to the chair next to her.

"Like hell I will! You are nothing but a bully, Daisy. Hey, maybe that's the reason why Nintendo won't put you in any mainstream games, because very few people can stand even being in the same room as you! Come on Wario, let's sit in the living room together and eat," Mona told her off and walked away.

"Coming dear! HAHA! YOUR LAME ASS JUST GOT OWNED BY MY GIRLFRIEND! BUY SOME BURN HEALS, BITCH!" Wario laughed in the princess' face and followed Mona out. Daisy got red in the face and turned back around.

"Okay, I see it all now. Thankfully, I saw this coming beforehand. Alright guys, what were you able to steal from Mona's bags that I can use to embarrass her with?" she said, planning this out while Mona wasn't in the house.

"Alright Dais, you will NEVER believe what I found! It's a Game Boy! You know, the original one? I mean, who the hell owns these systems anymore!? Not only that, but it has the game 'Super Mario Bros.' put into the slot! Nobody plays those dumb games anymore! Why has she not gone modern like the rest of us!? WHAT A LAMER GAMER!" Peach squealed, showing everyone the evidence.

"UGH, YOU MORON! That isn't something that you can embarrass someone with! Sometimes I really wonder if there's even a brain in that abnormally large head of yours!" Daisy spat.

"Awwwwww! I did my best! You don't have to be so mean about it! And I do have a brain! I checked it myself last night!" Peach cried in frustration, accidentally throwing the Gameboy at the floor, breaking it.

"What!? How the hell can you even check for…UGH, NEVERMIND! Luigi! Please tell me you got something good, sweetie!" Daisy said, attempting to keep her cool.

"Damn straight I do! I found this album here…it's Bangerz by Miley Vyrus! Who da hell listens to this shit!? It's trash! Even trash looks better than this trashy ass album cover! I can't even touch it without wanting to wash my hands, yo!" Luigi exclaimed in disgust.

Daisy smacked her forehead while groaning. "Once again, this isn't something you can embarrass someone with! Do you even know what the word 'embarrass' means!?"

"Hell yeah I do! It means to embarrass someone!" Luigi stupidly responded. Daisy gave him a blank stare.

"…Mario…just…please go next…before I completely lose it…" she said while gritting her teeth.

"I found this shirt," was all he said and laid out a loose, plain white t-shirt on the table. The usual creepy violin music played.

"…Okay…and…?"

"It has a stain on it," Mario replied, being extremely vague.

"…OKAY, AND!?"

"Well, the stain reminded me of grape juice. No one likes grape juice," Mario said with no logic whatsoever.

"…GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! PLENTY OF PEOPLE LIKE GRAPE JUICE, YOU DOLT! NONE OF WHAT YOU SAID EVEN MADE ANY SENSE! AND THAT FUCKING VIOLIN MUSIC BETTER STOP BEFORE I END UP GOING ON A BITCHY RAMPAGE FOR THE REST OF THE STORY!" Daisy screamed psychotically, finally ending the creepy violin music once and for all. No one else paid her any mind, because like I said before, this is a daily thing.

"Don't be mad! Get glad! For I have found something that will make that pasty girl cry in her sleep!" DK happily announced.

"Finally something good! Let's hear it!" Daisy calmed down.

"Okay. I found this in the closet! Do you guys remember the Dancing Banana Man? You know, the one that danced to the Peanut Jelly & Butter Time song like a thousand years ago? Well, she has a stuffed doll of it! AND THAT IS THE MOST WONDERFUL THING ANYONE COULD EVER GET! YOU ALL BETTER GET ME ONE FOR THIS UPCOMING CHRISTMAS!" DK overdramatically explained, crying over its epicness.

Daisy's face turned redder than ever. She was seconds away from snapping and attacking one of these idiots.

"Toadsworth…Toodles…I sent you two up there as well…if you found nothing of use…do not say anything…" she said through gritted teeth.

"Unfortunately, my ginger princess, I wasn't able to go in there at all because my back was acting up. That old age is really catching up to me, I tell you! But that's okay because my life is ending soon so I will no longer have to deal with these aches and pains! Huzzah!" Toadsworth cheered.

"Hold on! Don't make an explosion just yet! I believe I found something that trumps all of these other pathetic displays of stealing. Look here," Toodles quickly spoke, showcasing a plastic bag filled with fingernail clippings. Everyone else at the table made a grossed out expression.

"YUCK! WHY WOULD YOU KEEP A COLLECTION OF THAT!? WHAT DOES TOADSWORTH SEE IN YOU AGAIN!? WHY ARE YOU EVEN AT THIS TABLE!?" Peach shrilled.

"First off, it's Mona's, not mine. I found it in one of her bags. Secondly, Toadsworth clearly sees that we are equally compatible in terms of deserving to be with a wealthy and extremely high-class person for the rest of our lives, because we're both rich and high-class, and we also believe the poor are annoying peasants who constantly complain about student loans, economy, politics, etc. all because they weren't lucky enough to be born in a family of richness and/or they're too lazy to find a sugar daddy/momma that will give them a free ride for life. And I'm here at this table because, like I just said, I'm rich and high-class, PLUS super gorgeous, thanks to the help of multiple plastic surgeries!" Toodles explained it all and ended it with a wink.

"Damn man! I'm not sure if I'm more disgusted by you or by the bag of clippings at this point, yo!" Luigi cringed.

"What's a sugar daddy/momma? Is that a mom or dad who sells sugar or something?" DK questioned.

"That's Mona's!? GROSS! Why the hell would she keep all those!? Does she have a sick fetish or something?" Daisy asked while covering her mouth to not puke.

"I do agree that it's very odd for her to have these stashed away, but we shouldn't fret too much, she's probably saving them all up so she could donate them to kids who can't grow fingernails!" Toadsworth tried to make everyone less disgusted, which obviously didn't work because one, everyone else is an idiot to some degree, and two, they all think he's an idiot.

"Your optimism makes me want to bang my head against the table repeatedly, Toadsworth. We can't have so much positivity running through this house. It's not natural, especially among our group," Mario spoke with no emotion.

"Well…this thing that you found…not exactly what I had in mind, but I guess it'll do. Now, to find the perfect way to embarrass her with it…" Daisy made an evil smirk, snatching the bag.

"What the hell are they talking about over there?" Tiny asked, hearing the shouting and loud talking.

"Who the fuck cares? What I wanna know is, why am I not over there!? Yeah, I'm a villain and I kidnap Peach every three days, but I'm badass and I'm popular, so therefore that automatically qualifies me as super cool! They must be discriminating against my sexuality or something!" Bowser complained.

"Huh? Did I just hear you right?" Tiny looked at him in shock.

"N…No! Whatever you thought I just said, you thought wrong! WRONG, OKAY!? LOOK AT THE FLOWERS, TINY! LOOK AT THE FLOWERS!" Bowser freaked out.

"What flowers!? I don't even know what you're talking about anymore! Ugh, whatever, let me just continue my daydream of DK wrapping me in his arms and doing sexually explicit stuff that would be too awkward for me to say out loud," Tiny sighed happily at the dreamy ape.

"And it will forever remain a daydream, sweetie," Candy winked at her. Tiny flipped her the bird in response.

"Yes, PLEASE don't share them. There's a reason why the motto 'think before you speak' exists! Not everyone wants to hear about that nasty stuff!" Pauline stated.

"I'd say cauliflower is pretty nasty too," Waluigi randomly added.

"The popular characters may have their overratedness and their own table, but I got the good stuff right here that I won't share with them," Birdo said as she got out a big plastic bag full of delicious-looking brownies.

"Wow. Brownies. That will definitely show them," Candy said sarcastically.

"Not just any brownies, my loose friend, POT brownies giiiirl! This is the good stuff that will take you higher than the Star Spirits at Star Haven. Try it!" Birdo exclaimed and passed out one to each person at the table.

"AWESOME! Another chance to get high! Makes this trip much more bearable! Birdo, I think it's time that we take a #Selfie! You're the first ever person to be in ANY selfie of mine so consider yourself special, you little rascal, you!" Bowser happily squealed and he took a pic of both of them with his Samsung Galaxy S27.

"Did you just say…hashtag in that sentence? See, this is why not many people take this generation so seriously. It's times like this that make me think that I was born in the wrong generation!" Yoshi exclaimed.

"Oh, shut up and eat your pot brownie already. You're not original by saying that overused phrase!" Diddy barked.

"Yeah, shut the fuck up, Yoshit! I'm very involved with social media nowadays and I don't see the problem with that. Speaking of social media, everyone, make sure to follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat, okay? I'm trying to beat Mario in the number of followers I have, lol," Bowser informed.

"…You used 'lol' in a sentence too…I just…nevermind…" Yoshi stopped himself from going on another stereotypical hipster rant.

"Sorry, but I won't partake in the eating of these pot brownies. Pot is dangerous, you know! It kills brain cells!" Pauline yelled.

"Says who? Some biased and conservative article? Pot is good as long as it's done in moderation. I've done it for years and I've turned out just fine, giiiirl," Birdo said in defense.

"That's my motto too, girl! Everything is good in moderation! AND I MEAN EVERYTHING!" Candy happily shrieked and high-fived her.

"Well…um…I still won't have it! Plus, uhh, weed made you…um…unpopular and, um, hated by half of the Mario fanbase…" Pauline tried to dish a comeback but failed.

"Has nothing to do with that. Don't be such a try hard, giiiirl," Birdo laughed a little.

"Yeah, that defense was more terrible than the time I responded to a YouTube comment. You see, the guy made a top 10 hottest Mario characters list, and I was number 7! Can you believe that bullshit!? So, I responded with, like, a million reasons why I should be number one and the guy replied to me saying that my personality officially took me off of his list! LIKE…WHAT!? My personality is awesome! He's the one that has a terrible personality, ranking me at 7 and crap!" Dixie angrily ranted, which automatically meant that no one listened to her.

"So…uhh…yeah, anyways, where is Rosalina at? I haven't seen her since we went out to the waters," Tiny asked.

"Oh. She broke up with me and she threw a fit and ran off. I'll care about it tomorrow because today isn't my day with her," Waluigi casually responded.

"Well, she wasn't the MOST lovable Mario character anyways…" Candy commented.

"Stop being rude! She has feelings too! Ugh, when she gets back, we'll both talk to her, okay? I don't like having this huge tension between us," Pauline sighed.

"By the way, speaking of Rosalina, do you think you can ask her to use her magical powers to determine if DK is straight or not?" Bowser asked. Everyone turned to him, looking freaked out.

* * *

A few hours passed by, and during that time, everyone either got into catfights, ranted about some crap that no one cared about, got high (or continued to), took a nap, went back out into the waters, or watched TV. However, Toadsworth had plans to spice up the evening.

"C'mon everyone, gather 'round in the living room! It's story time! I'm going to tell you all a positively haunting tale!" Toadsworth shouted in excitement.

"There's nothing positive about a scary story, you geezer. But whatever makes this trip more interesting, I suppose…" Daisy complained.

"OOH! Sounds fun! Are you going to tell us the one where the Kool-Aid Man forces those kids to drink his own kool-aid and they all end up getting poisoned and end up dead and everyone else lived happily ever after!?" DK excitedly asked.

"Well, there's not much point in him telling it now considering you just spoiled the synopsis of the story, dumbass!" Wario pointed out.

"Enough with the hostility and let Toadsworth do his thing! I'm sure we can all sit down and be calm for at least a short while, hmm?" Pauline scolded, making everyone else roll their eyes since none of them liked being told what to do.

"This story is something I found while browsing on the internet late at night a few months ago. I was bored, but I wasn't tired, so I decided to look up urban legends since they can be quite fascinating! Anyways, the title of this is called 'The Perverted Killer'…

There was a woman named Welda. She was gorgeous, long blonde hair, striking blue eyes and perfect facial symmetry. She sometimes wore a pink dress too, much like Peach. A man named Wink was in love with her, however he was too shy to confess his love since he was not sure what she thought of him. He also had a twin brother named Wavi, who was an annoying, talkative little shit, but was also in love with Welda and knew about Wink's affection for her, but Wink did not know about his! One night, Wink had had it. He couldn't sleep because Welda was constantly on his mind and he had to get this secret out to her now before he goes crazy.

But, here's a truth…both brothers were a bit crazy. One more so than the other. He snuck out of his house to go see her, however, with his twin being in the same room as him, he heard him and followed him to see what was up. Wavi couldn't believe his eyes when he saw Wink head to Welda's house and climb up on the vines to her balcony! Wink loudly knocked on the sliding door and out came Welda soon after. He heard Welda's loud voice of confusion and even some fear since she did not see this coming. He saw his twin head into her room and Welda closed the sliding door. Wavi now knew what was happening. His brother was going to confess his love to her! He had to stop him somehow. So, he grabbed a sharp-looking rock nearby and climbed the vines to her balcony. He looked through the sliding glass door before going in and saw that he was holding her hands and saw her lost in his eyes. That was when he lost it! He used the rock to smash through the glass door. Wink and Welda screamed at this even more surprising happening. Wavi quickly grabbed the rock and smashed it into his brother's head! The force of the rock cracked open his head and it was enough to kill him instantly! Welda screamed again and made a break for the door to the hallway, but Wavi pulled her back and threw her on the bed. Wavi screamed in her face, 'YOU LOVE HIM, DON'T YOU? DON'T YOU!?' and without giving her a chance to respond, he started strangling her and by the time her parents heard all the racket and came to her room, it was too late. Welda was dead. Wavi just sat there on the bed, no expression at all. He knew what he had done and it was too late to turn back. The parents called the police and Wavi was sent to prison for life…and the rest of the community lived safe and sound for decades to come! A very joyful ending indeed!" Toadsworth told the story and, of course, had to end it on a high note.

"So…to sum it all up…the two guys were desperate to get laid but this desperation ended in chaos. Ugh, see this is why I'm always cautious of guys who seem desperate to 'hit it and quit it', they're usually the unstable ones with mommy issues," Candy commented.

"Hmm, that actually wasn't too bad of a story. I can't help but feel like those characters seem familiar to me somehow. Oh well, I'm probably overthinking it, just like I do with those Silent Hill games. I wrote a 26 page essay on the second game one time, actually. True story," Waluigi bragged.

"I didn't like it, honestly. There weren't enough LGBTQIA characters," Yoshi criticized.

"Hey Yoshi, here's an idea. Why don't you try to go look for Toad and Toadette right now? You're the fastest one here so I'm sure you could scout the whole area within an hour," Bowser suggested, getting gradually irritated by his hipsterness.

"Uhh, yeah, speaking of that, weren't we all supposed to go look for them earlier today? And where has Rosalina been? Aren't any of you guys worried for them?" Mona reminded.

"Well, you see, we COULD do that and be all caring and shit, but…it's getting dark out and knowing our luck, we'll have to deal with some monster that lives in the woods that probably already gulped those three down," Luigi said.

"I'll admit, it IS a bit odd that we haven't seen them for quite a while…but it's probably nothing. It's possible they just managed to team up or whatever and planned some trick to scare us," Toodles suggested.

"You could be right about that! Those two Toads pulled a prank on me last Halloween, actually. I heard a knock on my door so, naturally, I thought it was a trick-or-treater, right? Well…I open it and there's this short figure in a black hoodie wielding a chainsaw! A REAL ONE! I screamed like a little girl and shat my pants as this figure came into to my house! I ended up falling over on my ass, causing even MORE discomfort because of my shatted pants and had to drag myself to the kitchen to defend myself but this psychopath revealed itself and it ended up being Toad who was laughing his enormous head off! Also, Toadette pops in, holding a video camera, also laughing and telling me that she recorded the whole thing! I was so pissed off that I ended up throwing all my dirty dishes at them, along with a few knives, and chased them out of my house! GAH! I have never been so pissed off in my life! And it was a real chainsaw too! WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT!?" Wario told the story expressively.

"Eww! Maybe they should've killed you with the chainsaw so we wouldn't have to picture in our heads you shatting your pants!" Daisy cringed.

"Yikes, that's a bit 'severe' for a prank. I really can't imagine Rosalina being involved in one though…" Diddy said.

"It's also very rude of them too! Shame on them for making you think you would actually die at the hands of a murderer!" Pauline scolded yet again.

"I've always found those kids to be a bit loose in the head, honestly…which is exactly why weed will even that shit out, maaaan," Birdo added.

"Wait, I also have a story of mine to tell too! Okay, this one is called 'A World Without Bananas'. Once upon a time, there was this planet, and on this planet existed people and bananas. One day, the bananas disappeared for absolutely no reason. Everyone was so upset by this that they ended up killing each other or killed themselves. THE END!" DK said.

*cricket noises*

"Wow. You should really think about writing a screenplay one of these days, DK," Dixie said in sarcasm.

"I thought it was brilliant! Shocking and to the point!" Toadsworth applauded.

"I wanna tell a story now, and this story concerns this area we are in now," Mario spoke, making all eyes turn to him.

"This is the story of Koopson Voorhees. He is a famed urban legend who supposedly stalks these woods in hopes of finding his next victims. Now, this legend goes back a few decades. Back in 1980, this area was a summer camp. Koopson, a 10 year old Koopa boy, was among one of many active and youthful campers, but unfortunately, majority of these campers bullied him. It was because he had a deformity in his face. The left half of his face…'drooped' down in comparison to his other half of his face, so to say. I forget the name of this condition, but poor Koopson had it the day he was born and doctors weren't sure how they could fix it. This condition left him being outcasted and being namecalled a freak and many other horrible names. Even the counselors were subtly disgusted by him.

One day, Koopson was hanging out by himself at the boardwalk by the lake. A group of kids pulled a little prank by tip-toeing to him and shoved him into the water. The kids laughed as Koopson struggled to stay up for air. He was not a good swimmer at all, but the kids didn't know this. There was supposed to be a counselor out there at all times supervising, but they were off 'getting it on' with one of the other counselors, so the kids kept on laughing and laughing…

…until Koopson no longer came up. The kids stopped laughing when they realized that it was taking a while for him to surface. They started to panic and didn't know what to do. None of them were good enough to go in there and save him so they got the closest available counselor they could find and the counselor dove in to rescue him. He couldn't find Koopson. So, they had other trained counselors search the waters, but still no luck. Then, they had search parties go through the entire camp and the surrounding woods…

Nothing.

Koopson was presumed dead. This happened on Saturday, June 14, 1980. Naturally, his mother was distraught and sued the camp. The camp closed down for a few years but re-opened in 1984. The mother, angered by this, went a little bit psycho and ended up tracking down the same counselors that were still employed by the camp, that were supposed to watch her son four years but got distracted having sex, and killed them in the night. The camp shut down once again for a whole decade this time and then attempted to re-open its doors in 1994.

Once again, things went wrong. Another murder spree happened, this time with 7 people. One girl survived and she found out that Koopson's mother was the one who killed them and the two other counselors a decade ago. The girl managed to kill the mother in an act of defense and told the police everything. The camp was shut down for the final time that year.

Two months pass by and the girl that survived that awful murder spree was found dead in her apartment. Police were called to the scene because a neighbor heard her scream. Another neighbor claims he saw a tall figure wearing a hockey mask quickly exit her apartment, but wasn't sure of what else he looked like cause it was so dark.

Another five years pass and all the original camp buildings were torn down. Some friends who decide to camp out here for the weekend, on Saturday the 14th, all end up getting murdered. Their bodies were slashed and found all over the site and house. The area was closed off for public use, but of course, that didn't stop a few ditzy and horny teenagers from checking it out and doing typical Rated R stuff…but they also got killed too. And the date is the same as before. Saturday the 14th. Go forward to 2010, and Toadsworth gets this lakehouse built. Why he did this, despite knowing of all the murders beforehand? I have no idea, but no murders have happened ever since this house was built…but today is Saturday the 14th. Koopson may just show up again to release his rage on a bunch of fucked up and moronic people, just like before.

The end."

All was silent for a moment. The story actually creeped them out.

"W-wow…I had no idea something like that happened here…wait, why the hell are we here then!? If the urban legend is true, then maybe we should get out of dodge before he ends up killing all of us! HOLD ON! What if that's what happened to Toad, Toadette, and Rosalina? What if they were killed by Koopson!?" Mona shrieked in fear. A few others laughed at her.

"Oh stop! It is just that, an urban legend! Besides, I've read an article about the 'murders' that happened after 1994, it was all done by some psychopath copycat named Toadeus Maximus who did sport a hockey mask. He lived nearby in his own cabin and was obsessed with the urban legend so he re-created it by killing people that came here. He confessed to all this in 2007 and he was sent to death immediately. There's nothing to worry about. We're not in any danger," Daisy informed while rolling her eyes.

"BOO!"

Everyone screamed and/or jumped at Luigi jumping out behind the couch wearing a hockey mask. This startled Wario the most, which made him let out a huuuuuuuuge fart.

"HAHAHAHA! You suckers just jumped like a…what the…PEE-YEW! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL!?" Luigi changed his tone as soon as he took a whiff of the air.

"OH MY GOD, WARIO! YOU ARE SO FUCKING DISGUSTING! OH GOD, IT'S INVADING MY NOSTRILS! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! CAN'T BREATHE! THIS IS THE END!" Dixie cried and fell to the floor.

"Ugggggghhh…shit…sorry guys…I sharted real bad…" Wario said in embarrassment.

"WARIO, IF YOU HAD TO USE THE FUCKING BATHROOM BEFOREHAND THEN YOU SHOULD'VE JUST FUCKING WENT INSTEAD OF RELEASING THAT POISONOUS GAS INTO THE ENTIRE HOUSE!" Daisy screamed like she was dying.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! IT'S BURNING MY EYES! SOMEONE RESCUE MEEEEEEE!" Peach screeched and ended up running into a wall.

"I'm not quite sure what everyone is freaking about. I've smelled worse in my life!" Toadsworth said, being the only one not freaking out.

"Shit, man! I don't even think all my weed can counteract this smell!" Birdo yelped.

"AGGGGHHH! THE SMELL…OH GOD…NEED FRESH AIR! IT GOT INTO MY MOUTH! OH NO NO NO, I THINK I'M ABOUT TO…" Pauline ran outside as quick as she could and proceeded to puke into some bushes. Yes, it was that bad.

"Ah! GEEZ! What the hell is his problem!? That man is literally a walking fart bomb! Ugh…great, now the smell is on my clothes too…and on me! Guess I'll have to take a three hour shower tonight…" she sighed and wiped her mouth. She looked up and yelped when she saw a tall figure wearing a hockey mask.

"Oh! Luigi! Quit it with the scares! We've already been through enough hell in the past minute!" she yelled. The figure didn't respond and Pauline noticed he had a machete in his right hand.

"Oh…wait a second…you can't be Luigi…you-"

Before she could finish her sentence, the figure stabbed her in the torso with the machete. Pauline made a shriek and fell to the ground.

"AAAAAAHHHH! YOU GUYS! HELP M-"

She was cut off again by the figure covering her mouth and dragging her into the dark woods. Pauline struggled to get out of his grasp, but he was too strong.

Meanwhile, everyone else in the lakehouse opened all the doors and windows they could find, airing out the smell.

"Well, this is just stupendous. The smell has tainted my entire body and now I feel like I took a dive into a dumpster. Excuse me while I go take a quick bath to wash off this putridness and go re-apply my five pounds of makeup along with spraying half of my perfume bottle on me. Toodles," the gold-digger sighed and ran upstairs to cleanse herself as if her life depended on it.

"EVERYONE! I HAVE THE SOLUTION TO THIS! EAT THE BANANAS IN MY BAG THAT'S IN MY ROOM! IT WILL CALM US DOWN AND MAKE US FORGET WHAT JUST HAPPENED!" DK announced. More cricket noises ensued.

"That doesn't even make any sense, DK! What we need is AT LEAST six air fresheners! Oh, and can someone take Wario to the bathroom so he can change and wash himself? I would do it, buuuuut you would have to pay me a good amount of coins," Diddy said.

"Hey, where did Pauline go? Did the fart bomb vaporize her or something?" Waluigi weirdly asked.

"Uhh, no. I saw her run outside to go puke, I think. I'm surprised the rest of us aren't doing that right now…" Yoshi replied. Waluigi ran outside to look for her.

"Pauline!? You out here? If you can hear me, please say something or you can go ahead and vomit again because I'll still hear you anyways," Waluigi called out. Nothing.

He walked forward a bit more towards the woods. It was hard to see because it was darker so he wasn't sure if someone was standing not too far from him, but it wasn't pitch black out since it technically wasn't night time yet.

"Pauline…?"

 _CRACK!_

The sudden noise of a footstep on sticks or leaves made him jump a little.

"Okay, enough with the games! Whoever this is, just show yourself already!" he demanded and walked more into the woods. He then saw something lying against a tree. Since it was dark, it was difficult to see exactly who it was, but it was definitely a body.

"H-Hello? Pauline? Is that you? Are you…okay?" Waluigi feared the worst. He walked a little closer, his eyes adjusting slightly more to the darker setting. He leaned in, trying to see what was going on with this person.

He suddenly screamed and fell backward as soon as he saw it. It was definitely Pauline, but she had a stab wound in her torso, along with another stab wound in her throat. She was dead.

"Oh my…NOOOOOOOOOO! NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! SHIT! WHAT DO I DO NOW!? THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" Waluigi kept sitting there and screaming at the body like a moron, which drew the killer to him. He attempted to stand up, but as soon as he did, the killer came out from behind the tree and stabbed Waluigi in the heart with the machete before he could make another move. Waluigi cried out and fell down again. He attempted to crawl back to the lakehouse, holding his wound in pain, but it was too late as the killer swung the machete down in a sideways motion and decapitated him. His head rolled a few feet away. The killer then grabbed the rest of his body and the head and dragged them deeper into the woods.

EOC.

Sorry for the wait! As you can see, this chapter was longer than the other two, but I definitely had fun with it. Next chapter will have the gang playing some fun and overly-dramatic games, one of which will put them all in danger. Also, tomorrow at noon, I will put up the poll where you can vote for the girls that you want in for the next season of Mario Party Deluxe.


End file.
